Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize