bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
