You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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