her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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