dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
