3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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