I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
