i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
