so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
