I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
