Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
