he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
