When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
