if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
then he tried to convert me to islam
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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