I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
