Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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