woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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