I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
