I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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