apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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