Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Michael Bay diarrhea
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
