I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
