just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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