it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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