OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I didn't shave. On purpose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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