I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
