I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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