He had one of those small greek statue penises
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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