im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
