Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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