escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
