dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
