I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
