she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just gargled with NyQuil
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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