**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
