Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
