My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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