I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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