what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
