Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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