I want to have your abortion
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
