I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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