JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
