I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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