He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
