I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
