hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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