Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
