Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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