the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
