So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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