i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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