Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
