you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
