Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
