i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
