i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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