U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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