Cold hands, warm shart.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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