I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
